no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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