mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
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im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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