i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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