I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize