I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
