i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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