I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
