I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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