My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's blow job season.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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