You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
