He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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