i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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