She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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