after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
