Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
