You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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