well I can't set my house on fire every night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
