i just wanna soil my oats bro
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
