it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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