I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
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I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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