Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
