I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
