Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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