We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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