I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
