so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
