There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
