the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
