So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
