Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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