oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
