i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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