thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
COCAINE IS GR8
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