i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
