you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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