you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
