remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i love accidental penises.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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