Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
