Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
