Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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