I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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