I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
