wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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