I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
