Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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