By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
