She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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