I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
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When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
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There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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