um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
