Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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