I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
