I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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