I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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