Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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