he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
