My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They took my balls.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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