This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
