tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize