she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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