I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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