i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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