a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
