Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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