i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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