pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
