It's Friday. Sex?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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