Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
