Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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