I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
